The many faces of the agent!

What or who is an agent. Well like most things in life there are many different variants of said profession. And unfortunately the one that is most recognised/identified as being an Estate agent is this one :

The creepy/ slimy salesman. Yeah Yeah Yeah I know that there are many of them around, those guys who would sell their own mothers etc etc etc…. but we are not all like that – mostly I guess.

Here are a few other favourites.

1. The wolf in sheep’s clothing.  Seems like a really nice guy, all smiles and chats until the deal is near and then he goes into wolf mode and uses every hard close that he can think of. Things like “ The seller has another offer on the house so we need to decide today” and “My little son has ben kidnapped and I need to make this sale to pay his ransom” and they go into the same mode as soon as it looks like you may want to think about the property.

2: Now this is the pushy agent. They don’t even try to be friendly and put you at ease. They go straight for the kill with the pressure close. Never a moment to think about the property or even relax. This kind of agent is truly hard work, I personally know a few just like this and unfortunately they are like this in their personal lives too. Hard work and not likeable but good to have around as they always sort out the braai without having to ask. Great people really.

3. Now this is a close runner up to the most common image of the estate agent. A lazy bugger that does very little to earn the money and that we earn too much for what we do. OH MY GOODNESS if  only people would work in our industry for a little while. Granted sometimes the deal goes really easily and we have to do little work but that IS THE EXCEPTION AND NOT THE RULE -  AT ALL!!!! You have no idea how much work goes on behind the scenes with us talking to the attorneys, bond people, banks, bond holders, trustees, tenants etc etc etc. Then after all the work two days before transfer the deal falls through and you get sweet F%&ck all for 1 months work. And when a deal does go well you only get paid three months later. How kiff (sorry originally form Natal so the kwa-Zulunese comes out once in a while) to work for a month and then get paid 3 months later.

4. Also be warned of the very good looking agent. We once had this agent join our group and the first glimps of her was on her For Sale boards. The photo was gorgeous. She looked like a model and of course we were very excited about her joining. The day arrives when she is joining us and in walks this old lady. Either the photo was taken back in the late 70’s or her grandson is a wiz with photoshop. Similar to below:

What you expect:

What you get:

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED PEOPLE!!! It can be very dissapointing. I would rather keep looking for another house than call one that looks like the agent will kill me any bury me in the lovely established garden with heated swimming pool and irrigation, never to be seen or heard from again. So remember the moral of this story. If you are going to buy a house from an agent you may as well spend a bit of time with a good looking agent who will treat you like gold because they are trying to impress you. Be shallow….it’s more fun.

Later. AA

Now Lets Hear it for the Agents

And the awards continue……

We move on to the agents and all the great things that they do

Winner of the most embarrassing lie division.

Agent A and Agent B (don’t know why I’m using pseudonyms, I was agent B) were running with a client who we were meant to meet at one of a thousand flat complexes in our area…… and of course we are running late for a number of reasons.

#1.We don’t exactly know where the complex is so after cruising past every complex like a car full of gangsters  on a drive by (except wearing suits and not baggy shorts and 4kg’s of fake jewelry). I think a car full of agents is scarier than gangsters.

#2. The car we are drivin in has not only seen better days but nights,months and years. Has a wobble at the back, broken windscreen wipers, smooth tyres. All in all a beaut.

SO we finally make it to the complex , 15 minutes late, where there are a few people hanging outside . So Agent A (to my amazement) pulls out his phone, calls the client and asks him where he is as we have been waiting for 15 minutes.Silence…..then I see Agent A’s face drop a little.  The client asks if he is driving a blue car and is it us that has just parked in front of them. THEY WERE STANDING OUTSIDE ALL THE TIME WAITING FOR US. Another reason I believe that you must never lie to a client.

Blindest moment in my career division.

I’m living in London and working as an agent there. Been at it for the better part of a week and starting to get the hang of it. I call the tenants of a house that I need to show to ask if it would be okay if I came around. No one answers so i call the Owner of the house and he says that he will call them and if I don’t hear from him it’ll be okay to go through. I have a set of keys for the house and when my client arrives I ask them to wait outside just to make sure that the house is okay to go through. I knock…..knock……knock and then open the door and start walking down the passage…. The bathroom door flies open and out runs a young (about 18 or 19) girl with what looked like a hand towel wrapped around her screaming blue murder. So when I finally stopped shaking I had a lot of explaining to do to the young lady who actually let me through. It turns out that the seller got too busy at work to call me back. F%&ker!!!! No wonder his house didn’t sell.

On a quick note. I have noticed that a lot of sellers are still signing sole mandates with agents. This is fine but make sure that they are going to be doing a lot of marketing, show houses (no matter what they say the show house is still one of the best ways to sell your house and get it out there) and bringing clientel through. In this market you need as many people through your house as possible.

Later

AA

And the Winner Is.

Now for the Award segment of my blog.

Client Category.

Runner up in Crapest Client in the universe!

Mr. All Talk, No Walk

This fine gentleman ‘not the one in the photo, obviously’ came through one of my show houses driving a really kiff Audi TT wearing Armani Glasses big “blind anyone Who looks at it” watch and really talked the talk. I couldn’t really hear what he was saying because all I could hear was
KA-CHING easy Pay day. Here he is going…” I’d like to shop in the R1.5 million range”. So I start running with the
Dude….shows him about five houses and he is talking about putting an offer in. So of course we get the bond originators to qualify the folk. Mr. All Talk, No Walk can only qualify for R550 000.00 and this was
before the new credit act. NEVER DID HERE FROM HIM AGAIN. Not that bad I know.

Crapest Client BY FRIGGIN FAR in the universe! Mr. Offer a minute and his crappy lies.

I’ll keep this one short or we could be at it for a while

MR. Offer a Minute walks into show house and puts an offer in straight away.  He leaves the final signature till he gets the final pay slip from his previous employer saying that he is owed a million shmackaroos. He gets the letter, signs the docs and wants immediate occupation. We try call phony shiteous company. NADA. He has already moved in. Turns out he has judgements, owes money and is generally a grumpy old &*^%% (so and so). Now my client has to start the eviction process. What fun that is. Long story short…. shit head gets given one week by Sheriff of the court (MR. Offer a Minute even called out the cops on the sellers’ wife who came to talk to him). So that Monday I’m chatting to Agent Anonymous colleague #2 and he says that he had this client come through his show house and sign everything except for the last page because he’s waiting for the pay slip…etc….etc. BUT the funny thing is MR. Offer a Minute asked if he could borrow R100 from Colleague #2 to get home to get the slip. He was still in this house and it turns out, he had put offers in two other properties waiting for the first offer and then immediate occupation where he didn’t pay rent. We wasted months and thousands on this crap head. He did it to 3 other agencies that I know of too.

If you’ve come across worse I dare you to bare it. Let me know.

Next week.

Estate Agent Awards. The categories are…..Worst lie! Most Embarrassing Moment! And plenty more.

Chat next week and hope it’s been as busy as this week. That’s why this only comes to the blog on Wednesday and not Monday as
It should be.

Later
AA

The Good, The Bad, and the Downright Crap

It’s not as bad as that! Me Thinks!

Howdy Folks, first blog into the wonderful world of Estate Agency in South Africa and in Particular, Cape Town. You wouldn’t expect an agent to be upbeat about the market in the state that we are in at the momen but there is so much that can be done on both sides of the market.

I know that there are many home owners and agents that feel like doing exactly what the picture implies. But if we don’t look at the brighter side of things then we’re in a bit of trouble. There are always things that can be done to meke the most of the situation rather than just accepting fate.

Lets first talk about some of the amazingingly crap houses that I’ve had to sit show at or some of my collegues have had to sit show.

I was due to sit at this large double story four bedroom house and was really looking forward to having a good show and hopefully sell it. As I walked in the front door I should have known that this was going to be a very, very long day indeed. The front door opens and the staircase is right in front of me. Right on the first stair is 1 lonely sock. I don’t think much of it, pick it up and go to oopen up all the windows and curtains upstairs. On the first floor landing I see a pair of longs. Pick those up. Go to the master bedroom…..absolute mess…..bed unmade, plates next to the bed, and clothes all over the place. Go into the master en-suite, really not sure what to expect. A pair of underpants in the bath, another sock on the floor and a used unlushed toilet infront of me. Now it’s too late to organize another house and show hours are about to start and I really want to sit in this house because of the size and location. That leaves only one option…..maid service A-La Agent Anonymous. Had to sweep, make beds, hide plates in the cupboards, put clothes in cupboards and mop.

Bad, but not as bad as Agent Anonymous’ colleague number 1.

He’s sitting show at a friends house. Same thing as mine, house in a real state but when he walks into the main bedroom then the fun starts. There is nothing but a mattress on the floor with a bottle of wine, a few candles and about 3 used condoms on the floor. It’s time to start show and he has clients on the way. What can you do? Well colleague No.1 did exactl what I would have done. Get the hell out of there and review your friendship very carefully indeed.

There are a good few more but then I would have to change the name of the blog to Crap Houses and Gross stories, so I better get going along with the blog.

I was at a property seminar this morning and what I saw was really uplifting. We tend to get so bogged down that we thing nothing goos is going on in the housing market but from what I saw today that is no the case. There were 4 sales that had been concluded that morning, we started at 9:30, phones were going off the hook before the obligatory “please switch off your phones” statement that seems to come before anything comences these days. THERE IS ACTIVITY OUT THERE! HOUSES ARE SELLING AND PEOPLE ARE BUYING HOUSES.

If you are selling there are a few things you can do. Once people walk through your door you are one step closer to a sale…they wouldn’t walk through the front door if there wasn’t something that didn’t attract them. But it’s inside where the deal is made or los

• You HAVE TO BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOUR SELLING PRICE. No point at all in having your house on the market for an inflated price which lets it sit on the marget and gets over exposed. Your house has to be worth what you are asking for it. If your neighbour’s hose has the same features as yours but is asking less then, obviously…..it’s a no brainer as to which house will go first.

• A well presented house makes the world of difference when a buyer comes to have a look. A favourable impression will be made on the client if they see a deat and tidy house without all the clutter and bric-a-bra (don’t know where I get these words-my gran uses these words) that makes your 3 bed house look slightly larger that a single garage with a bunch of angsty teens trying to put together a punk band.

• So it goes without saying that the garden should also be neat. You don’t have to have Keith Kirstens green fingers, just try keep it looking like a garden. Pick up all the doggie prezzies left on the fron lawn.

These are just a few of the bare basics of house showing but there is a lot more that can be done to make your house seem the most desirable house in that price range.

Okay so that’s it from me for today.

“I’ve enjoyed just about much of this as I can stand.” – Quote